I'm leaving you, I'm leaving them

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-20T22:41:00

2005-01-21T06:41:28Z

ok so i couldnt find ANY friends on the other journal, therefore i am making a new lj.

ixletxgo

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-20T15:46:00

2005-01-21T00:39:43Z

OMFG VANESSA!!!
CHUCKLES IS HERE AND HE WONT STOP TALKING TO ME!!
I AM SOO TEMPTED TO JUST YELL CHUCKLES!! RIGHT NOW

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-20T14:31:00

2005-01-20T22:31:18Z

The Great LiveJournal
Outage of 2005

During the outage I went on neopets and mourned.

What did you do?

Brought to you by geek-foo

actually...i went on neopets and played pyramids...close though

bored

2005-01-20T06:40:05Z

I have a bunch of random pictures on this computer:

My stevie!! so freakin cute!!

my best friend...KEVIN

i'll have more later :)

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-19T20:17:00

2005-01-20T04:25:19Z

owww i think i might have chipped my back tooth on one of my tongue rings...damn metal toungue rings. it hurts like a bitch.
yesterday was my first day of apprenticing. it ruled so much. i worked on a drawing and watched anothony give this guy a half sleeve. i already met some pretty interesting customers...anthony left the room to pierce some girl and the guy who was getting a tattoo was talking on his cell phone about how the cops are looking for him and how he was going to shoot this gang that was giving his kid shit...i was just like uhhh ok. i cannot wait til i'm a tattoo artist/piercer. anthony said that within 3 months of my 18th birthday i'll be professionally tattooing and making $400 a day :)
i'l almost done with my drawing of 2 koi, all i have left to do is the outline and color...outlines take me about 4-5 hours to do cus i'm such a perfectionist with my art...not necessarily a bad thing.
there is no one in rival...absolutley no one
he bitched at me again today
i am sooooo done with this dead end job...i dunno if i should quit or put up with it until june, when i get hired at the tattoo shop. oh well, i'll figure it out.

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-17T17:44:00

2005-01-18T02:05:27Z

damn i'm starting to dislike my job more and more everyday. the minute john came in he started bitching, i feel like just walking out and saying RUN YOUR OWN FUCKING LAN CENTER. but i wont. cus i need money. no one told me the children had the day off, so i opened at 2pm...there was a huuuge crowd outside waiting. ICKKKKKK. i seriously dont wanna work the night shift so i'm gonna get it covered. by rights, i should have had a week off anyway. whatever. by rights i shouldnt even be working 13 hours a day. =\
things are working out sooo well for me and kevin. up until last month we had no idea where our lives were headed, but now i have my apprenticeship and he's going to uc davis winter semester. its been so long since i have felt stability in anything, work, family, relationships, school...life all together. everything just seems to be falling into place now. it feels sooo good to have all that stress gone. :)

[edit]
yeah couldnt get the shift off, frustrating as all hell
especially since he talked to me like i was fucking 5 years old and only worked half the shifts i do now
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-16T19:16:00

2005-01-17T03:21:15Z

i got a hermit crab today. he is sooo freakin evil, everytime i try to pick him up he tries to pinch me.
um most of my asshole teachers at dvc didnt drop me so i got 2 F's and a C bringing my 3.16 GPA down to 2.7fucking8. looks like i'm going to be a tattoo artist for sure now! eh i dunno, i'll try to get it cleared up but i'm comfortable with how things are going. i'm feeling a lot better about everything today, still a little down, but getting better. tuesday i think i'll ask eric to cover my day shift so i can hang out in the shop. i'm feeling really good about this apprenticeship, i've been wanting to do this since 8th grade now its finally happening. plus i wont get paid to apprentice but when i start tattooing he's going to give me 60% of what i make when most tattoo artists only get 40% =P

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-13T19:23:00

2005-01-14T03:23:37Z

i got the apprenticeship, i officially start in june, for now i just hang around the shop, draw and watch anthony tattoo. this freakin rules :) i even get to keep my job at rival

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-13T14:10:00

2005-01-13T22:16:02Z

when i dont have the music on, random customers talk to me too much.
i'm pretty nervous/excited to show my work to anthony, the tattoo artist from hardtails. i always hate showing my art to tattoo artists cus most of the time they're pretty cocky but hopefully this one is different. ack i've been wanting to do this since i was in 8th grade and its crazy to think that it might finally happen. right now i'm just finishing up some butterfly flash. i'm pretty proud of it so far. its in the old school style with a little new stuff mixed in. its turning out much better than i had planned.
i dont know why but i am sleepy. i slept for like 9 hours last night.
anyway today should be a good day. my grandpa's funeral is tomorrow but i think i can handle it. i'm probably getting my permit tomorrow...cus waking up early doesnt work well for me and i have work at 6:30.

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-12T21:52:00

2005-01-13T05:55:21Z

i can guarentee this lj wont be emo for a while
tomorrow a tattoo artist is going to check out my work to see if he wants to apprentice me
and i have an AMAZIN boyfriend who i'm probably hanging out with tomorrow =P

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-12T17:10:00

2005-01-13T01:12:22Z

HAHA I MADE $0 ON MY SHIFT OVER ALL
$0 IN FOOD
$0 IN GAME TIME
CUS I AM AWESOME =P
AND CUS ALL OF U ARE JERKS FOR NOT COMING TO VISIT ME

hmmm

2005-01-12T23:15:45Z

i dont normally talk to people about my problems, but last night i pretty much told eric everything and i'm feeling a lot better.
yesterday i worked until 6:30 then me kevin and spencer went to taco bell. we got hand fulls of straws, hot sauce and napkins...cus rival eric wanted a lot of hot sauce so we brought him half a bag full =P
I used the straws to make one massive straw, then when i got bored of it i wrapped it around random stuff in john's office, he has yet to see it lol he's going to think i am insane.
then me and eric saw spanglish. i thought it was good, i didnt fall asleep. then we went to my house and watched kevin play kingdom hearts for a bit.
now i'm at work and theres only one customer...its going to be a long day.
i'm a bit worried about my mom, i feel a lot better but i know she doesnt. i have yet to see her cry and i hope shes not just holding it in for my sake. i dont really think i need a psychologist, cus i've been doing a good job at working things out myself and talking to people. so we'll see.

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-11T15:16:00

2005-01-11T23:18:37Z

um they pulled the plug on my grandpa today. i cant even explain to u what i feel.
today just feels like a bad dream, like nothing is real. going to work even felt different. it just doesnt feel real. i honestly feel like i will wake up and be able to go visit my grandpa. i dont understand. my mom is taking me to a psychologist.
no matter what happens i will wake up tomorrow, i'm not THAT weak. i'll live.

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-10T23:58:00

2005-01-11T07:58:03Z

now a customer is hitting on me in german, wow it must be my day

[edit]
officially creeped out
sometimes i dont like my job hahaha
PS when u ask what i like to do in my free time and i respond saying i like killing small children and painting my room with their blood or anything that sounds a tad PSYCHO...
IT MEANS STOP TRYING I'M NOT INTERESTED N00BS!!!
FUCK

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-10T22:01:00

2005-01-11T06:03:37Z

I dont know why but this made me laugh a lot
i was talking to one of spencer's friends in a chat room he made
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: OMG
Me: RAT IN THE CEILING
Me: ickkkkkkkk
Friend: haha
Me: they're having like an epic battle

Me: and making wayyy too much noise
Friend: eating the kim chi bowls
Me: hahaha yeah they dragged one up there
Friend: and a bawls
Me: thats probably why its so noisey
Me: lol
Friend: its like crack to rats
Me: hahahahaha

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-10T21:06:00

2005-01-11T05:07:13Z

eric got me a stuffed animal wicket and it is the coolest thing ever...next to him of course. i dont know why but i'm really hyper. i'm in a good mood now :)
my band might have a show in late febuary
we need a drummer fast, even if its temporary.

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-10T18:21:00

2005-01-11T02:22:04Z

i am SOOO sleepy
EWWWW THIS CUSTOMER WONT STOP HITTING ON ME SOOOOO AWKWARD
he's like so what do u do in your free time, i'm like hang out with my boyfriend and he's like ah not uh u lie and i'm like WTFFFF
HE'S HELL OF GANGSTA TOO LOL

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-09T20:57:00

2005-01-10T05:12:21Z

i've been feeling a lot better today. my family and i went to visit my grandpa again, he looked so much better. his siezures stopped and he just looked so peaceful. when i went to talk to him he even opened his eyes so we knew for a fact he could hear us :) i'm just happy he knows now how much i care for him and that i came to visit.
the doctor told my grandma today that they're going to do an EEG to check his brain waves in 72 hours. this will determine if he is going to get better or just become a vegetable. a long time ago my grandpa signed a paper that says if he ends up brain dead he wants the plug to be pulled. so on tuesday morning we'll find out for sure what will happen.
last night eric called me and managed to make me laugh, even in the shitty emotional state i was in. he freakin rules and i kinda sorta like him a whole lot :) blah i really miss him, but maybe its a good thing i couldnt go to disneyland, i need to be here for my mom and grandma.
after the hospital i came to rival with dani, we talked about the RIVALATION and how we will flee. then some bitches called and said some pretty fucked up shit. as my friend sergio always said....bishes get shishes so we'll see what happens with that.
so i'm currently at rival, bored out of my mind. i kinda wanted to see a movie tonight but no one wants to go and i'd probably fall asleep anyway.
i was thinking....i really dont understand how the doctors just found him dead. they did manage to recessitate him, but there is so much brain damage because he was left there for so long. they knew he had problems with his heart so shouldnt there have been ATLEAST a monitor beeping like crazy? ick, its just makes me even more afraid of hospitals...they freakin sicken me.
ANYWAY I'M OFF TO PLAY CS N00BS

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-09T00:20:00

2005-01-09T08:50:18Z

today i hung out at home, playing video games.
then me kevin and jess went to ampm.
my dad calls me and says i need to get home immediately cus he needed to tell me something and since they had just come home from visiting my grandpa in the hospital i knew right then it was bad.
now this isnt the grandpa that was married to my nana....this is the grandpa on the other side of the family, my moms side (my nana is my dad's mom)
so i get home and my dad tells me my grandpa has an 80% chance of not making it through the night...right then i feel like such a little shit for not going to the hospital all those days before to visit him. whenever i walk into a hospital, no matter what i immediately get queasy and shaky. they fucking freak me out more than anything.
i walk into the hospital and i already feel like shit, my stomache is turning. we get up to my grandpa's floor and right then my mom warns me that he is convulsing due to siezures and he cant respond to anything but he can probably hear us....just like my nana. right then i started yelling no no no no there is absolutely no way i can do this again. so i just stood in the hallway holding my stomach. when i thought i had enough strength i walked into his room. i saw everyone around his bed...even my cousin i hadnt seen for 4 years and i saw my grandpa, laying in his bed convulsing. it was much worse then i thought. i stood there for about a minute and just ran to the waiting room, where i just freaked. my grandma and my mom came and comforted me until i gathered enough strength to go talk to him...he couldnt respond but i think he heard me, cus when i put my hand on his shoulder and told him who it was he layed still for a few minutes.
so i go back in the waiting room where my 7 year old cousin starts to hit me with an umbrella and i seriously almost passed out, it got to the point where i was seeing spots and my hearing got all fucked up.
i ended up going back in his room, just to be there for my grandma, i stayed there til we left. came home. go to pick up dani. now i'm at rival.
this all happened because he broke his knee on christmas eve....he tripped cus there was a step down that he didnt see in this house. this was not expected. he was supposed to get a simple surgery and be able to go home and sit in his chair like he usually does. but no. he had 2 heart attacks.
how the fuck does something like this happen? especially when my nana passed away not even 3 months ago. i thought after her i would be a little stronger about this, but i was completely wrong. all that strength i built up these past few months is completely gone. in fact, i'm even more depressed as i was before. the only thing different is how i'm handling it. back then i would just let myself do whatever i want...whether it be crying my eyes out alone in the house or cutting the shit out of my arm. that shit was just stupid. it only brought me lower and hurt the people i loved. i handle it now by using this journal, or other more constructive things like drawing or playing music.
but.
fuck. i feel like such a stupid self centered bitch right now. when my grandpa was coherent he would frequently ask about me. i would either be working or to scared to come. if i would have just fucking sucked it up, if i could just say fuck this job for just one day i could have given him one last hug or heard him tell one last story, but no. i;m weak. and i suck at life big time.
i'm not fishing for symapthy, i just needed to get this shit out.

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-08T17:29:00

2005-01-09T01:12:49Z

um, last night was fun.
but my grandpa had another heart attack last night...the doctors found him in his hospital bed heart stopped, but they managed to recessitate him.
um its too soon to go through this again and i feel sick just thinking about it

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-06T22:42:00

2005-01-07T07:26:03Z

i just got in a fight with a bunch of nerds...and i dont think i'm welcome to go to their nerd fest this august...lol
i was playing nexus...this text based online rpg aka mud...and i gave my character the name hope, because the name i use in all my rpgs is Hopes Fall, but since u cant have a last name in nexus i just went with the first name.
meaning i had a dark elf named hope...cus i didnt give a shit about the name, but apparently this one guy got all butt hurt about it cus it wasnt realistic enough. so i decided it would be fun to mess with him a bit and eventually suicide so i wouldnt have to hear anymore bitching.
in short, i told him that theres a real worl outside of nexus and nexus is just pretend so SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PLAY.
after about 20 minutes of me totally making fun of him and him saying please stop cursing.
thats why i deemed him nerd...not cus he plays nexus cus i would just be a hypocrit but cus he was freakin out about a NAME. GOD DAMN. i owned him and now i'm probably not allowed to go to the get together awww wahhhhhhh pffffff....
KEYBOARD THEFT

THIS WPULD BE DANI TYPING. DANIELLE DOESNT GET TO TYPE ANYMORE. BTW SHE HAS AN AMAZING BF. YES. A BF. SO UH. YEAH HES PRETTY CUTE. Alot cuter than her ex bfs. And he can dance... to Jamiroquai. WOAH. I <3 D2. She does too but I dunno if imma let her type anymore. LOVEONTHEWESTCOAST.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-06T19:26:00

2005-01-07T03:38:27Z

today was a very slow day for rival, but very productive for me
i paid for drivers ed today then i checked ut a few places for drivers training and i'm going to sign up tomorrow, soon i'll have my permit...yay?
maybe tomorrow i'll go to the mall (ick) and spend my money i should be saving or i can just sleep...either sounds like a good plan to me
so it looks like i have a busy weekend ahead of me
friday:
get work off and see forthmorning OR sleep in fame
but i probably wont get the night off so scratch that and replace it with slave around rival til 2am than kingdom hearts OR hang out with friends
saturday:
BAND PRACTICE!!!
i am sooo freakin excited u have no idea
it has been TOO LONG since i've been on stage seeing a crowd go crazy over music MY FRIENDS AND I created. god damn its an amazing feeling. i also miss just playing in a band, i mean playing bass by myself is fun to a certain point, but when its with a band, u feed off of everyones energy and its just a good time.
sunday:
wow no plans so far. i'll probably hang out with jake or dani OR i'll end up just getting stuff done, like schedule my drivers training and shiz.
i had a pretty good day today...definately boring but i cant expect much since i have to sit around all day at a counter.
kevin seemed happy today too which i always like to see, i havent hung out with him in too long, we're always just too busy. ick.

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-05T21:21:00

2005-01-06T05:24:47Z

mehhhh
eric just left and i wont see him for like 6 days, i'm gonna miss him but i'll live, it sucks
sean, tiger, anthony and 897432887 other people i hang out with left too so i'll probably have nothing to do except play nexus and kingdom hearts...which i played for 5 hours straight last night
i got a few shows to go to this weekend too. i havent been to a show in too long, especially a good hardcore show.
ex scared alice fan comes here all the time and annoys the shit out of me
G UNIT
sadgasm

sxa_bass_playa @ 2005-01-05T18:12:00

2005-01-06T02:12:18Z

i'm not emo anymore but my tummy hurts
whinewhinewhinebitchbitchbitch

this made me cry

2005-01-05T02:28:08Z

Friend of mine stay alive
Don't you leave me here
All alone in a world with a chronic tear
I will always be here, I will always be here
I will always be here for you